Shop More Submit  Join Login
About Deviant Member OzarkasFemale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 2 Years
Needs Premium Membership
Statistics 115 Deviations 594 Comments 2,160 Pageviews

Newest Deviations




I was an aspiring artist many years ago, but now I am no longer interested in art. I don't doodle that much anymore, either. I find my interests changing so much now, and I almost don't like it. I still use this website occasionally because I am not very social and I need a forum of some kind to vent and chat with people. However, I have been feeling unworthy of being here as I am no longer an active or aspiring artist.

My love for art mainly blossomed in seventh grade when I started getting into anime and video games. I took up fan art and fan fiction as major hobbies and my art skills really only developed because of that. In ninth grade my life plan was to become a graphic designer and now I am in my fourth year of college (but still working on my associate's degree, which is pathetic I know) and I find my interest in those things dwindling significantly. I tried taking up video games and art again, but now I feel like they are just time wasters. I feel conflicted inside because I know I wasted so much time back in school, and because I don't want to let go of my old self. This website was the first one I ever joined and it was like a home to me. I am also no longer "compatible" with people I used to know and the types of people I used to associate with, thus creating more conflicting feelings within me.

Now, how can I say this? I care more about "real life" now. I am thinking of buckling down and getting my bachelor's degree in the next two years and then possibly graduate school. I am pursuing something serious and possibly might go into research or become a teacher. I feel like this new "serious" me cannot keep dabbling in these childish things. I still want to replay some of my old video games and there are some art projects I always wanted to do but never did, but I feel like it just conflicts with the new me and I almost hate the new me, because I have literally almost become a new person in just...less than two years? Really, my entire life's goals and so many things about me has changed that quickly once I discovered a new discipline (anthropology) and have decided that I might want to dedicate my life to this.

I still want to be here because I enjoy the forums, but I feel unworthy of being here. People on here have been constant artists throughout their lives and I was artistic since first grade, but within the past few years my interest in art just stopped completely and I have developed an entirely new set of interests. This makes me feel like I was never truly an artist, as so many people I see on here (checking out their pages) are art students and some of them go to highly ranked art colleges. Help? Advice?
I have OCD, depression, and anxiety.

I feel as though there is so much to do, so little time, and I just give up because of it. For example, I am in college and I need to get a job and start driving eventually. I also want to join a club, a church, and I have all these things I want to read and art projects I want to work on, but it's been so long since I've drawn anything. I practiced today and see that I "still have it" but I need probably a few weeks of practice before I do anything serious.

I feel like such a loser. I feel so overwhelmed that I just give up and then get more and more behind. There are things that I have put off for about a year or more now because of this pattern.

One thing that KIND Of helped me last year was that I had this weekly agenda thing. It had a small "notes" section and I would write down three or four weekly goals and only write down the bare minimum homework assignments on the daily slot. This helped me a little because I had an entire week to do a certain task, like "clean this area of the house" or "plan classes for next semester" the only issue is, it would take weeks and weeks, months and months, to eventually complete all the things I want to do.

I feel like such a complete loser, because there are people on here and that I know of who somehow manage a social life, a job, college, and hobbies and frankly...I just don't know how the hell they do it! Please give me the secret?


No journal entries yet.

AdCast - Ads from the Community



Add a Comment:
yami-joey Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2014  Student General Artist
I was going to give you a llama but I realized I already have, although I don't remember. But anyway here's another imaginary llama for you 
calikal Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
thanks for faving Fractals?Hug :happybounce: :happybounce: 
theresahelmer Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2014  Professional Photographer
Thank you so much for adding me to your watch list, i am utterly flattered :heart: ~Theresa
Ozarkas Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2014
Your food art is very good! Maybe one day I'll cook one of your recipes! As I have always wanted to make the rainbow Jell-O.
bedroom-inc Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2014  Student General Artist
Oh thanks for the llama. :love:
SARETTA1 Featured By Owner May 27, 2014   Digital Artist
Thank you for the :+devwatch: :iconpinklilyplz:
Ozarkas Featured By Owner May 27, 2014
Your fractals are pretty good.
SARETTA1 Featured By Owner May 28, 2014   Digital Artist
Thank you :)
Saloscraftshop Featured By Owner May 20, 2014  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Thank you so much for your watch :3 
relhom Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Add a Comment: